What Should I Do?

This is a story I wrote for Chicken soup for the Soul:Divorce and Recovery. I think it is the perfect way to start this blog. Enjoy
Blessings,
Virginia

As I lost my moorings during the divorce process, I desperately asked everyone. "What should I do?"

The divorce was inevitable and now I had the task of figuring out where I was going to live and how I was going to support three children.

The advice that I heard over and over again was,"Find a full time job and sell the marital home." It sounded like the wisest thing I could do. Plenty of single mothers work full time--lots of children thrive in daycare. So I put my house on the market. When I was married I had chosen to be a stay at home mom and I loved the hours spent homeschooling and caring for my three children. Now I was faced with updating my resume and beginning a job search. It all seemed so simply actually and made perfectly sound sense to everybody.

It was what I thought every single mom had to do--there was no other option.

I was making tremendous process. I had an offer on the house, although I had no idea where I was going to move. I was one of two top candidates for a full time position. And, although my three year older sobbed uncontrollably every time I left his presence, I still barreled forward, determined to do what I thought I should do.

I was asked to come in for a third interview for the job. I was confident that during this interview I would be hired and that this meeting was more of a formality. But when I walked into the office I received a very cool welcome. I was then told that I was two hours late for the interview. Although my calendar said that the interview was to be at 3:00, the receptionist's calendar said it had been scheduled for 1:00. I didn't get the job. Then to top off my day, when I got home my realtor called to tell me that the potential buyers had lowered their bid due to the home inspection. The new offer was too low for me to accept.

That night after the children went to sleep, I sobbed. I felt like a failure, everything inside hurt and I simply wanted my mother. I wanted her gentle hand to rub my forehead and mostly I wanted her never-failing faith.

My mother had Alzheimer's disease. On the Saturdays my children were with their father, I would go take care of my mother. Although she no longer recognized me and didn't really speak to me, on these days I would bathe her, change her, and help her eat. Most of the time I felt grateful for being able to care for her. Yet sometimes it felt unreal-even cruel-to be living a life where I would have to lose both my marriage and my mother in the same breath.

On this particular Saturday, I was merely overcome with sadness and fear. After I got her dressed and was brushing her hair, I began to cry and talk to her as I had done before she had Alzheimer's.

"What am I going to do Mom? How am I going to support my three children? I am so scared." I looked at her with tears streaming down my face.

And then I saw something shift in her eyes. As clear as day she said,"Virginia dear, you don't have to do anything. Take care of yourself. Take care of your children. Leave the rest to God." She softly rubbed my forehead and smiled at me--then her eyes went blank again.

I received a miracle that day. My life as hard as it appeared changed. I decided to become the single mom that I wanted to be--not what I thought others expected of me. And anytime it feels like too much--I do as my mother told me.

I take care of myself. I take care of my children. I leave the rest ot God.
He hasn't let me down yet.